red on a gold platter.
her smiles were like frozen daggers
falling from skies afraid of their stars
dimmed heartache, a light flickering
pausing when the darkness closes in
a favorite song on repeat
a beautiful bird
something like a sparrow or dove
turned to ash
she was only five when the fire within her began
boiling hot liquid
parched throats bubbling with confusion
illusions dancing on their tippie toes
women in heels girls in pajamas that still cover feet
words that speak but say nothing
men loving. men making..love
not being able to tell the difference
everything spinning-
a one winged angel drowning in her own blood
the symphony, harsh
violent strings and blaring horns
ears too tender to bear the noise
she prays for silence
dreams of dandelions making love to the wind
wishes drifting in mid air
swings and sand
carnivals and cotton candy
a rotted decaying innocence yearning to be sweet again
fourteen with a half bloomed flower in her womb
a wonderful fragrance a sickening stench
bound together as one
they tell her to push and she cant
ghosts creep up her spine with every labor pain
blackened blood in her veins
skin shedding, flesh melting
she is all bone
watching her skeleton sway to broken music
something dreary, she is tired
of wondering about joy
blinks and dreams of gluing her lids shut
stapling the lips of her vagina so they refuse to open
hoping she will die or go crazy
maybe then she will know how to feel
maybe then she will be without the visions
fantasies of incsions made from neck to navel
slitting the throat of her unborn baby
watching it bleed and wondering
about the color red.
they dropped venus in a strange place
left her stranded and alone with the devil as a companion
he gives her gifts
a strangled peace with a red bow tied around it
secrets tucked beneath a tongue that has tasted him
when mommy was invisible
she vomits her nightmares
they smell like him
she pretends she is an actress
in a tragic play
rehearses the way she will tell her daughter
about the father they share
about the pain they share
about the little piece of happiness taken away before given the chance to learn what it means
touch it
see it
hear it
feel it
its too wrong to ever come out right.
Monday, November 30, 2009
asiya.
"There is a woman in somalia
Scraping for pearls on the roadside
There's a force stronger than nature
Keeps her will alive...*"
a fight
so precious
so tender
so strong
cant break her in her weakest moments
silver moon in her stomach
bright in her darkness
there is love everywhere
there is hate everywhere
burdens become so heavy
still she throws them on her back
carries the earth in her palm
with no plans to give it back
can't steal her light
she wears courage as skin
pearls are her eyes
black marbles as the center prize
the sun is shy when she's around
her shadow keeps her going
the children are hungry, and day has almost died
she moves with no worry
knows that God is on her side
cant break her in her weakest moments
silver moon in her stomach
bright in her darkness
free in their prison
claims all of everything as home
there is love there is love there is love
everywhere.
[*italics by sade]
"There is a woman in somalia
Scraping for pearls on the roadside
There's a force stronger than nature
Keeps her will alive...*"
a fight
so precious
so tender
so strong
cant break her in her weakest moments
silver moon in her stomach
bright in her darkness
there is love everywhere
there is hate everywhere
burdens become so heavy
still she throws them on her back
carries the earth in her palm
with no plans to give it back
can't steal her light
she wears courage as skin
pearls are her eyes
black marbles as the center prize
the sun is shy when she's around
her shadow keeps her going
the children are hungry, and day has almost died
she moves with no worry
knows that God is on her side
cant break her in her weakest moments
silver moon in her stomach
bright in her darkness
free in their prison
claims all of everything as home
there is love there is love there is love
everywhere.
[*italics by sade]
issues.
we weighed a lot today
obese opinions heavy
on my chest, on our breath
sometimes too much
to swallow, sometimes too many thoughts
and feelings thrown up into space
spiraling down at the wrong time
and usually land on our heads
we sit here, all sore and red, bruised and beautiful
wondering if it's worth
carrying the load
wanting to forget breaking scales
only balancing them
wanting to be light
for this moment and simply enjoy
each others silence.
we weighed a lot today
obese opinions heavy
on my chest, on our breath
sometimes too much
to swallow, sometimes too many thoughts
and feelings thrown up into space
spiraling down at the wrong time
and usually land on our heads
we sit here, all sore and red, bruised and beautiful
wondering if it's worth
carrying the load
wanting to forget breaking scales
only balancing them
wanting to be light
for this moment and simply enjoy
each others silence.
that woman, and the right to be.
hear her-
how she screams with a smile
and dreams with one eye open
tears go as soon as they've come
feelings find shelter on her back
and letters leave tracks on lids
forming words that whisper
in muffled tones with each blink
the alphabet-her ship
the ocean, a pool of ink
she sinks when she writes,
she writes when lips are too tired
or too afraid to speak
she writes because
silence is death to some
and she is too young to start digging her hole.
the wind is laughing again
breeze teasing her unclothed shoulder
she wonders when life became so cold
and why no one has ever bothered
to offer her a coat
a piece of peace to keep beneath her wounds
something, anything to bring warmth
when the wind's sense of humor is too much to bear
but she has learned
to be bare
naked and cold and dance with the air
mock the goosebumps decorating her body
she knows the sun is there somewhere
within,
waiting.
she looks up
her skin is shedding
ashes of a woman fall like a rain you want to dance in
the day is approaching
when she will be ok with knowing
her heart is all she has
and all she needs
she will feed herself from herself
discover her womb and find her face
she will be proud
place palms to skin
feel the warmth within and know,
she has arrived
and know its ok to cry and dream and scream
out loud.
hear her-
how she screams with a smile
and dreams with one eye open
tears go as soon as they've come
feelings find shelter on her back
and letters leave tracks on lids
forming words that whisper
in muffled tones with each blink
the alphabet-her ship
the ocean, a pool of ink
she sinks when she writes,
she writes when lips are too tired
or too afraid to speak
she writes because
silence is death to some
and she is too young to start digging her hole.
the wind is laughing again
breeze teasing her unclothed shoulder
she wonders when life became so cold
and why no one has ever bothered
to offer her a coat
a piece of peace to keep beneath her wounds
something, anything to bring warmth
when the wind's sense of humor is too much to bear
but she has learned
to be bare
naked and cold and dance with the air
mock the goosebumps decorating her body
she knows the sun is there somewhere
within,
waiting.
she looks up
her skin is shedding
ashes of a woman fall like a rain you want to dance in
the day is approaching
when she will be ok with knowing
her heart is all she has
and all she needs
she will feed herself from herself
discover her womb and find her face
she will be proud
place palms to skin
feel the warmth within and know,
she has arrived
and know its ok to cry and dream and scream
out loud.
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