red on a gold platter.


her smiles were like frozen daggers
falling from skies afraid of their stars
dimmed heartache, a light flickering
pausing when the darkness closes in
a favorite song on repeat
a beautiful bird
something like a sparrow or dove
turned to ash

she was only five when the fire within her began
boiling hot liquid
parched throats bubbling with confusion
illusions dancing on their tippie toes
women in heels girls in pajamas that still cover feet
words that speak but say nothing
men loving. men making..love
not being able to tell the difference
everything spinning-
a one winged angel drowning in her own blood

the symphony, harsh
violent strings and blaring horns
ears too tender to bear the noise
she prays for silence
dreams of dandelions making love to the wind
wishes drifting in mid air
swings and sand
carnivals and cotton candy
a rotted decaying innocence yearning to be sweet again

fourteen with a half bloomed flower in her womb
a wonderful fragrance a sickening stench
bound together as one
they tell her to push and she cant
ghosts creep up her spine with every labor pain
blackened blood in her veins
skin shedding, flesh melting
she is all bone
watching her skeleton sway to broken music
something dreary, she is tired
of wondering about joy
blinks and dreams of gluing her lids shut
stapling the lips of her vagina so they refuse to open
hoping she will die or go crazy
maybe then she will know how to feel
maybe then she will be without the visions
fantasies of incsions made from neck to navel
slitting the throat of her unborn baby
watching it bleed and wondering
about the color red.

they dropped venus in a strange place
left her stranded and alone with the devil as a companion
he gives her gifts
a strangled peace with a red bow tied around it
secrets tucked beneath a tongue that has tasted him
when mommy was invisible
she vomits her nightmares
they smell like him
she pretends she is an actress
in a tragic play
rehearses the way she will tell her daughter
about the father they share
about the pain they share
about the little piece of happiness taken away before given the chance to learn what it means
touch it
see it
hear it
feel it
its too wrong to ever come out right.